the battle over my daughter's earlobes

visions of matching gold hoops

It sounds weird to say it, even weirder to write it - but my daughter's earlobes have been cause for a rare parenting rift between J and I.  You see, ever since I found out we were having a girl, I dreamed of dressing her up in gorgeous little Indian lenghas and sharing my jewelry with her, as my mum had done.  That included of course, earrings.  

In the Indian culture, it's common practice for baby girls (even boys in some areas) to have their ears pierced well before their 1st birthday.  I myself had it done when I was 6 months old, as did most of my friends and their daughters.  So I just assumed that when the time came, we would do the same for our little bug.  Well the time came and amidst the weekend run-down of to-dos, somewhere between picking up drycleaning and getting groceries, I casually brought up the need to find someone who could pierce S's little ears.

Well, judging from the look on J's face, you might as well have thought I had suggested giving her juice every morning for breakfast or buying her her own little iPad for her crib.

"You want to do what??" he said incredulously.

I was so taken aback, i just simple repeated my earlier sentence.  Not for one second had I expected resistance to what I thought was a forgone conclusion - let alone flat out rejection.  Jewelry is that central and that ingrained in our culture.

But J was not to be budged, claiming it would "rob her of her innocence".  Now I thought that was going a little far, but then J has a tendency for the melodramatic to make his points.

And in the end, it was not something my considerable persuasive powers could overcome and here we are, at her 2nd birthday and no pierced ears.  We'll have to wait until she's able to sit still on her own (which knowing my child, could be well into her teenage years).  But every time I glance at her little earlobes, a little part of my is wistful and sad.

the adorable compromise

We've compensated by getting her to wear the most adorable traditional gold and black bead bracelets from my parents, and it'll do for now.

But this is just one of those topics where the distances between our upbringings can't be spanned with rational dialogue.  And each of us feel we're right to the core of our beings, which makes little room for true compromise.  

It's been an interesting one only because it's the first time in our 5 year marriage where we have so fundamentally differed in our stances.  And so it's taken time and patience to find ways to navigate the divide, particularly as it doesn't concern us, but our precious little bug.

Have you encountered this over pierced ears?  Over something else?  How did you resolve it?